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well these last few days have been ok but now its all going blah i find my self putting on a happy face more and more each day when really i am not happy at all nothing seems to go the way its suppose to i cant find a job no matter how hard i try it just feels like my life is falling apart you know that feeling of loneliness well that's how i feel and i feel it to the extreme  i could be surrounded by all kinds of great people but when it comes down to it i am still feeling lonely i feel like every one around me is just there because they feel they have to be because that's what they think is right i just feel like everyone is so distant from me now and i have no clue what to say or do with out causing a big ruckus because that's not what i want i just want everyone to be happy and i want to be happy but i feel like nothing i do brings happiness to anyone i just feel like i am a huge failure at everything i do it really sucks i have no clue how to overcome this feeling i have experienced it before but now it is so much stronger i just wish i knew what to do what to say  to overcome it......
one thing that i really hate are people who talk about you behind your back especially when they are suppose to be good people and members off the church  that is not the way its suppose to be they are suppose to be there to welcome new comers and help you and be your friend  not be nice to your face then talk crap about you to other people that is just very rude and disrespectful these kinds of things shouldn't be going  on in a church of all places but apparently there has been lots of it lately so i am told and you know what it makes that feeling of loneliness even stronger but all these people are doing is bringing down and pushing away one of the best and nicest people there is well or at least i feel that way because i am nothing but kind and sweet loving and care to everyone i never say crap about people behind there back and if i do its not true its just joking but i am so frustrated and upset about this that i don't know what to do i don't know who to talk to  anymore because everyone seems to judge you in some sort of way if they realize they are or not because  not every body thinks the same way things that are said come over differently to different people so i think people need to be careful about what they say and how they say it because what you say to someones face or behind there back could hurt them more then you intend for it to   

good day :) Awesome friend and Awesome church :)

well yesterday and today have both been awesome days i really enjoy church and church activites they are so uplifting and im just so happy and joyful to have found the right church and i know its right because i feel the spirit so strongly every time i go to church and every time i read the scriptures and everytime i pray it like nothing i have ever experienced before like i cant even begin to explain how great it AWESOME :) :) :)
but i owe this all to one very special person in my life someone whos always been there when no one else was someone who always made sure i was alright and could tell when somethin was wrong and was always there to talk with me and listen and not judge me but accept me for who i am and im sure you know who you are but im gonna make it clear just in case because you are blond lol jk but that one person is Janah you have been  like a sister to me and i cant express how much i care for and and respect you i thank  you for always being there and just helping me to become a better person thank you for introducing me to the church of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints it makes my life so much better im so much more happier and the stress i use to always have its gone now it so awesome thanks.

september 12

well today has been a very boring day i slept most of it away but today has made me realize how important the people i have in my life are to me one thing i have realized is how many horrible guys are out there that have no respect or care for woman i just wish i could snap my fingers and take all of the guys out off the world that dont know how to treat a woman the way they should be treated which is with respect.
i really just wish everyone could be happy and treated right and more so one of my very close friends which i care for alot and have a great deal of respect for.you are a awesome friend and a wonderful young lady and i thank heavenly father for you each and every day because with out you i would still be in those horrible spots of my life that were just destroying me but you helped me you helped me become the real me and with out you i would be lost and have no clue how i could surrvive with out you i thank you for helping me come back to heavenly father because now my life is so much better with him as apart of it im just so thankfull for the people heavenly father is placing in my life they all mean a lot to me.

September 11

well this is my first ever blog lol here it goes
this last little while has been pretty stressfull for me from geting a job and lossing it for stupid reasons out of my control i look and look for a new job but cant find anything i just get into my own place to live then probaly have to leave at the end of the month see what i mean by pretty stress full  but through this all i realize i dont have to be all stressed out about this because there is some one bigger and more powerful then me who can take care of this all and that is Heavenly Father.
 thiss last month has been an eye opening time for me  i came to edmonton from calgary and  i started going to church again this time a different church then i went to before and you know what i enjoyed it and still do ive noticed that it makes me happy inside it helps me when im stressed out it takes away all my hurt and sorrow because i know that heavenly father is there and he will take care of this all if i allow him to if  i live according to his word i know everything will be ok and it will be just fine right now it may seem hopeless but with heavenly father in control i know its not