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well these last few days have been ok but now its all going blah i find my self putting on a happy face more and more each day when really i am not happy at all nothing seems to go the way its suppose to i cant find a job no matter how hard i try it just feels like my life is falling apart you know that feeling of loneliness well that's how i feel and i feel it to the extreme  i could be surrounded by all kinds of great people but when it comes down to it i am still feeling lonely i feel like every one around me is just there because they feel they have to be because that's what they think is right i just feel like everyone is so distant from me now and i have no clue what to say or do with out causing a big ruckus because that's not what i want i just want everyone to be happy and i want to be happy but i feel like nothing i do brings happiness to anyone i just feel like i am a huge failure at everything i do it really sucks i have no clue how to overcome this feeling i have experienced it before but now it is so much stronger i just wish i knew what to do what to say  to overcome it......
one thing that i really hate are people who talk about you behind your back especially when they are suppose to be good people and members off the church  that is not the way its suppose to be they are suppose to be there to welcome new comers and help you and be your friend  not be nice to your face then talk crap about you to other people that is just very rude and disrespectful these kinds of things shouldn't be going  on in a church of all places but apparently there has been lots of it lately so i am told and you know what it makes that feeling of loneliness even stronger but all these people are doing is bringing down and pushing away one of the best and nicest people there is well or at least i feel that way because i am nothing but kind and sweet loving and care to everyone i never say crap about people behind there back and if i do its not true its just joking but i am so frustrated and upset about this that i don't know what to do i don't know who to talk to  anymore because everyone seems to judge you in some sort of way if they realize they are or not because  not every body thinks the same way things that are said come over differently to different people so i think people need to be careful about what they say and how they say it because what you say to someones face or behind there back could hurt them more then you intend for it to